Today’s Articles December 6, 2011
- Shared custody – working together
The family law court always favors custody rulings that are in the “best interests of the child” and as such can dictate the rights and obligations of parents where shared custody (technically referred to as ‘joint conservatorship’) has been granted.
Shared Custody is a delicate balance to get right, but if you want to avoid involvement from the courts and make your custody arrangement work for the best interests of your little one, plenty of planning will be necessary to determine how to make the changeover between the two homes as smooth as is feasible.
An example of a good method in a joint conservatorship is to set up a standardized system of house rules in both houses. Often parents are tempted to instantaneously change rules that were a source of aggravation during the marriage or that remind them of their ex. Such inconsistencies though can be disruptive for the child, and even push them to adjust their behaviour between homes.
As a result, children can become very shrewd at pleasing or even manipulating circumstances between the homes for their own advantage in situations where parents are still emotionally vulnerable. This is not because children are essentially wicked but is simply a survival strategy. A child wants consistency of rules and schedules between homes, for both personal peace and for their healthy emotional and physical development.
Creating this consistency may require routine phone calls and meetings between parents to establish the needs of the child and the working out of a calendar together, so that there are clear expectations and little room for emotional game playing. Ensure, as far as is possible, that both homes are in agreement on rules regarding bedtimes, tv viewing, internet use and going out with mates.
As your child grows, these rules will, of course, need to be reviewed together and alterations implemented co-operatively. In truth, parents who go into a joint custody arrangement because they are genuinely looking to the best interests of the child need to put in the season necessary to make it work. They also need to be ready to change the deal should the needs of the child change.
When a child chooses that he or she would now like to spend further time in the home of one particular parent, there is often an impossible guilt that they feel over choosing one parent above the other. Parents need to be proactive in freeing their daughter or son from this guilt by making it obvious that the arrangements have been set up to serve their best interests and not your needs, and that you are therefore always open to alter them.
Study in this area still suggests that most children are more settled in one permanent residence. Parents often see joint custody as an arrangement that satisfies their ‘rights’, but the problem is that the child’s needs will be forgotten in the process. Shared Custody is achievable, and it can work splendidly, but, as in any custody deal, a willingness to be amenable and to put the child first are the keys to success.
For more information on Making shared custody work:
http://www.texaschild-custody.com
- In most states, a court’s decision about child custody during a divorce used to be simple to make.
In most states, a court’s decision about child custody during a family breakdown used to be simple to make. The judge would give custody to the mom. The dad got alternating weekend visitation. Now, custody decisions are drastically more complex. Many states have adopted a standard called “best interests of the child.” Judges are required to weigh a list of factors to find out which parent is the proper custodian of the children. The level of complexity in custody decisions has drastically risen and decisions are no longer clear-cut.Florida is one state that places an emphasis on the protection of children involved in a divorce. The most helpful interests of the child are the guiding principles in Florida. Domestic relations law of the state outline a catalog of factors a judge must consider in every custody decision:
1. the child’s school and home history;
2. the permanence of the child’s proposed home;
3. the continuity of the child’s situation;
4. the parent’s capacity to provide the necessities of life;
5. love, affection, and existing ties with either parent;
6. any history of domestic violence; and
7. the parent most likely to support the child’s continued contact and relationship with the other parent.
There are two factors that appear to be most important:
1. the history of domestic violence and
2. the parent most likely to advance the child’s continued contact and relationship with the other parent. The importance of considering domestic violence is clear. If a child is awarded to a violent parent, the safety of that child might be compromised. But most people are not attentive of and do not grasp why factor #2 is so important: the parent most likely to uphold the child’s continued contact and relationship with the other parent. And because there is so little understanding of this factor, it presents both a great opportunity and great danger for parents seeking custody of their child. The “best interests of the child” standard was developed by lawyers, judges, child psychologists, and social workers. It represents a balancing of interests and is designed to benefit the child. The states that have adopted this standard believe a child should have a continuing bond with both parents, even after a divorce. And that mutual bond is best promoted by a parent that promotes visitation with the non-custodial parent. The parent that appears to promote the child’s contact with the other parent will get a strong preference in a custody decision. The parent that refuses visitation with the other parent will hurt themselves in a custody decision. Cooperation with visitation can take many forms. A suggested pattern of conduct includes: avoiding discussions of adult divorce issues with the children, making reasonable arrangements for weekly visitation, openness about sharing holidays with the children, and participating in joint decision making about major children’s issues.If you are contemplating divorce, you should educate yourself about how courts and judges make decisions. By educating yourself, you can make sure a judge will look favorably at your behavior. A divorce doesn’t have to be a guessing game. The educated spouse will always get a more favorable outcome.